Jawhrat Haqiqia

Hello people! I’m back after a long time here and the reason for the inconsistency of my posts are my hectic schedules and mostly all of the writeups being in the drafts. Well, it doesn’t make any difference but all the efforts are to bring the best with my writings and perception. So, here we go. Today I’ve decided to introduce you all to my newly found yet oldest best friend. Sounds nice, no? That’s why I’m writing about him today. I hope I could do justice portraying him.We have known each other since, I guess, kindergarten days. We happened to be the classmates but were not friends then. I remember from one of those days when teacher made us to sit together and I hated him like anything. I haven’t hated him really but I hated the school literally because I got shifted from Saudi Arabia and I was grilling for catching the lingo. And he was the person who was talking relentless. Our divisions got shuffled in 3rd or 4th standard, I don’t really remember certainly when. Then he got into the same section in which my sister was, they two became good friends. Indeed, she has always been good in making friends. In 6th standard, me and my sister changed the school. We both still didn’t become friends and I still disliked him.

Other than school, we didn’t really meet excluding a few times in party, movie or a gathering after completing our schools. And these few formal meetings were the time where he made a measureless buffoon of me saying that I have a crush on another guy. And yes, the social media, we both added each other and that joke got no limit. We had come from kindergarten to completing our schools, and were still not friends. I still used to find him wierd, self-obsessed, arrogant, intolerant and what not. Nevertheless, I always took his jokes only as jokes, never personally. Also, because his jokes always looked only like jokes, never any mean.

School life got wrapped up, now all the groups had to depart to their own ways. Some had the same paths and others got separated. It didn’t affect me anyway because I belonged to no group. I had nothing to do with where the others are going or what they are doing. I had my few loved ones who meant the world to me. I too chose my way which I still regret ever and again. I lost those few loved ones in some such way. I had no one around, neither physically nor emotionally. I have always been a disaster in making friends but I never felt the need of making any either. Except this phase of my life where I regretted it the most. However, I had other people of my hometown in the same city I got shifted into, but being the best of an introvert got me nothing. And all of us had too much furious schedules that even if we met, we just had a small talk then got back to our own ways. I began to sink into the depression which I realized much later.

Then one sunday, I was roaming at a supermarket with all my sadness and then, a voice came from somewhere calling my name. I looked around and spotted him coming towards me, I didn’t know he’s in the same city. He looked all elated like he always did. We too had a small talk about our studies and where we were staying, then he asked me to join him. He has a few other friends with him. Though I would obviously have denied but his gentle request didn’t let me to, so I linked with them. We went to a Pizza Restaurant and we four people ordered so much that it took two whole tables to put it. I’ve never seen four people ordering that much to eat in my whole life. It was, after all, Pizza. It was a day which, I think, I would never forget in my entire life. I couldn’t explain how much I cherished that day, I enjoyed that much after so very long. Being an introvert, I always had very small to talk which almost left unsaid at times. But he listened to everything I had to say which made me feel so good and I realized that I judged him that much bad only because I never knew him well. I always believed that vibes make a person and he really had all genuine vibes. Anyhow, I felt his enlivening smile had something very similar to me behind, which I never asked him. Maybe not that similar but something I detected. That day gave me too much strength to survive.

We then exchanged contacts for catching up the next time and then we went back to our hostels. The thing that I admired about this hangout was, he himself invited me to be a part of them though I didn’t have a count in his friends. Maybe being far from our city and loved ones for the first time made us realize the worth of each other. But no other person from my own city whom I met here did this. And after a so long journey of only knowing each other, we now had become friends. Phew! I got real best partner which I think came as a blessing because I had lost a very few in a very short time. The last person came into my life the same way was my cousin, Areeba Appi. So I got an ally who let me survive complete one year in that hell city. Moreover, he got me one more friend. What could have been better for an introvert than this? And adventurous was the train travel when we three were coming home on New Years. When we were making fun of the tourists and those foreigners who seemed from the zoo came and sat right at the front. And then two girls who appeared from an another world. One of them kept abusing her boyfriend the entire way and the other began to shout ‘fire! fire!’ when the laptop charger turned into a smoke machine. I made my phone fall by the screen from about 8 feet. We left it on the train floor for a few seconds because we were sure that it has got broken, my luck, somehow, favored and it didn’t. It’s the phone I’m still using. That night looked like a sleepover for we three.

I never shared my any heartache with him because his vibes are so positive that I always felt positive talking to him. He, indeed, made me feel good when I thought I couldn’t. Without knowing any of my agony, he unknowingly helped me get out of it. After coming back to our city, we didn’t have been in touch that much because we both had several entrance exams. After finishing them, we turned towards college. But during all this while, what I concluded about him is, he always want to share happiness, want to see every person around him cheerful, regardless of what he’s going through. He told me a few days back to be happy saying “Khush raha kar” and that he wants no one around him to be sad in anyway. And trust me, I haven’t till now seen anyone around him sad. He too had detected that I’m being depressed for some reason. Though there were many. He asked me many times but I fence-sitted telling him to talk something nice. Not because didn’t want to let him know but because I too wanted to share good vibes with him. And from past some experiences, I had begun to think that I burden others with my problems. So I had stopped talking to anyone about it and the people to whom I used talked about myself were not in a state to hear me. Although, he managed to make my suppression, out a few days back. And it really felt so warm because when I was longing others to hear my problems, and this one himself took efforts to hear them and never gave up on me. It, literally, made me feel blessed.

He sent me some emotional messages and said that no guy says this to an another guy. And everything I’ve written in this post too, a guy would never say to an another guy. And I verbally won’t be able to. So, balanced now. Also, because his birthday is on this 25th November and I want to cherish our rare bond of friendship. And now, I realize why we didn’t become friends back in school days. Because he had to come as a blessing for me when I was in severe need of a friend. A true gem that I can’t afford to lose now. For all the emotional talks that being a guy we two does, cheers!

During writing this post and having a crack to finding the memories, I recalled the moment more clearly when the teacher made us sit together. Because I hated the school and the seatmate I got a naïve bond with, was absent. So I was crying and he said, “Ro mat, khush raha kar”. These words got engraved in my mind because all my impulse then was to soak up the tongue, so all I remembered were these words. Now that I know, I know what he meant to say. Hearing this even after all these years would make anyone feel anyone so good. And how much nostalgic I happen to be.

Cheete ki chaal, baaz ki nazar, aur Bajirao ki tawaar par sandeh nahi karte. Kabhi bhi maat de sakti hain.

I don’t know whether you realized that I still haven’t told his name. ARJUN GUPTA; bright and shining, a name he always did justice to.

I pray that Almighty bless him with the happiness of both the worlds. May He bless him with everything best in this life and hereafter. And may He fulfil all his desires and keep His blessing hand always be upon him. And I also pray to keep his dynamic smile to remain the same now and forever.

Happy Birthday, Baba!

The Course; The Companion

I see myself. Standing at a point, ulterior, somewhere where I desired to be. Secured everything that I was rapacious to get, since always. Whether it is love, family, money or any other worldly fondness, I discover myself to have the whole enchilada. To the greatest extent, I have happiness, in some desolate time. These cognizances bring me to cloud nine even now. But then, there is a past. With nothing resplendent, where I had the same hedonisms, which one way or another dragged me till here. Alive!

Turning my sights, back in the foregoing, I feel hopeless. Since the earnestness I have today, is coming with me considering forever and a day. And here, I’m irrevocable deep down whether these things would remain a mirage or should I interim more, for the times I crave for, are unascertained someplace or another in the unfolding.

However, it is true that these cosmic illusions never left me alone since the time they are born. These earth-like dreams, however much I dust them from eyelids, they come back. With me, it goes, in pain, sometimes desert, sometimes rainy season. So why should I become villain bearing with so much trouble.

In my sad times, with these, I fly in colorful palaces. With these phantasms, I keep flying in colorful places. Oblivious of the world intermittently. And in parts unknown, I become cold feet about losing such an ally. And straight, I’m confused at times what really I love more. These hallucinations or the times when these fantasies would actually happen.

In the eleventh hour, I know I love these delusions more, since they had been a harsh but admirable escort out of possession of years. These keeps me going. Sort of happy and alive, dragging me by the illusions of those times, for which I give eyeteeth for. But I fell in love with this ocean of salacity, which will definitely end when I would reach those times.

It isn’t any gain, but it also isn’t a loss either. The times I’m waiting for, appertains with my happiness. But with this companion, I at any old place, finds myself cheerful too. It had been a true-blue counterpart. And I was one of the evil companion, each time, cursing them. I just wish my achievements would make me not to miss them voluminous. It was undoubtedly becoming a part of me, anonymously.

Inclusively, it was incredible. The way!

© Faraz Ansari, 2015

I Know; A page from an anonymous diary.

There are no barriers remaining here now!

You say all men are the same, while you were the only who made me feel individuate. You always termed me as a gentleman, which in parts unknown emphasized the one in me. And when anywhere, I’m being referred now, your quietude resonates sort of your bitter forbearance with me. But I alone know, your uncommunicativeness is as long as you miss me. You miss the good times we had together. And the muteness you keep is for the rumination you get hitched up with; that we are not, and can never be together again.

You miss me, I know. I miss you too. And my remembrance would be doubtlessly provoking you. It’s obvious. And I know, when you would be getting surfeited missing me, you begin to bogusly curse me to lead astray yourself from my hindsight. Well, if there really happens something like this, then my love, I’m so much proud of you. You’re learning to arise yourself. And trust me, you will indubitably learn it completely one day.

You also taunt me, if concurrently we get eye to eye, that a real man doesn’t exist. Seriously, my love? You were always the only christening me as refined man. But I know, you say this in as much as you still expect I would be able to make your wrath evaporated. And you get more ferocious waiting for my counteraction. I couldn’t help but listen, sometimes chuckling in my heart. Howbeit, I love your frivolous side but my love, the bitter life warns you to grow at this. And I know, you are wise!

I also know the lighter side too. I gaze at you, secretively, you feel that still. In my thoughts, you would be talking to yourself. A portrait like mine would be forming still on the piece of paper. Seeing it upside down, You would still be laughing to your heart’s content. While laughing, your eyes must have gotten drenched. And I feel so sorry, since I know, I’m the sense of your tears.

I guessed that after our breakup, you would be hating me on the other side of your heart. But I know, you don’t. I also surmised, to scratch out my mindfulness, you must have thrown the things I gifted you. But I know, you didn’t. And I tirelessly remark you wearing those earrings and finger rings. And you don’t know, how much loved I feel by your trot out anger.

At this end of the day, I want you to know, we are not nevertheless destined to be together. But my love, don’t in any case label it as a “Sad Ending”. Your ending will be surely upbeat, mark my words. That’s another thing, it would be not with me and that somewhere means that it would be many times better than you expect it to be with me.

Also, I wish you to read this but sadly the circumstances and my ego, that it is an enigmatical sliver of me and a page of my diary. And before ending this, I don’t think the need of mentioning that ‘I love you’, seeing that loving you is a part of my existence; and I know that you know!

© Faraz Ansari, 2015

This post is not related on my personal experiences, but it’s been written on the behalf of someone and the inspiration is that person itself.

Perception; What things are exactly right and wrong!

We all see the world telling us wrong and right, but have you ever thought how and when these wrong and right were made? Just imagine, if all the cheeky talks were esteemed as loving and all benevolent talks were rated as abuses. If scoring grades was a matter of shame and our poor performances made our parents proud. If getting arrested was a huge achievement and getting a medal made people doubt your character. If the people with all those worldly wisdom were the losers and all those naive were considered as the geniuses. And if the people with big bucks were found to be lowest in the society and those with shabby clothes and tangled hairs were called classy.

According to me, wrong and right is a matter of perception this planet has got in endowment. Our right is the actions we do which majority think of as positive and what this majority does not find positive, calls it as wrong. What if the things we think is positive were all negative and the things we refer as negative were all positive. It is a matter of minds. We humans had set out our wrong and right initially, with the construction of this universe and the planet. Otherwise, getting hanged was also marked prestigious death.

We have been through several fictions where astronauts go to another planet and gets trapped by their people and rules. I say, we are already trapped, on our Earth with its ‘Wrong and Right’ boundaries. That’s another thing we do not realize it because we are born with it.

Now, people might say that what I have to say in this article is all wrong, but I would say that if they are calling this wrong, they are the one who is wrong. In this case, how it will be decided that what is wrong? Very simple! We will go with the majority, even if the perception of that single person happens to be positive and this is all how our majority and society banging us all with their RIGHT eyeshot.

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, languages and even the phrase ‘each other’ does not make any sense”

― Rumi

© Faraz Ansari, 2013